想問為什麼

I tried so hard and came so far; But in the end it doesn't even matter

Got through that pool of shittiness that was JC, thinking that things would be a whole lot better. Wrong has never been a more apt reply.

2011's not shaping up to be a very good year huh. Chinese New Year was horrid. Worse one I've had with all the shouting and fights. Then came all the self loathing for disappointing my dad. I remember results day. He didn't even ask me for my results. Doing UAS was just as hard. Picking apart the facade I've had on for years wasn't easy. & I thought maybe Uni would be easier. Well it's not happening yet. So mofo sick and tired of everything.

& tomorrow, I wear my smile to school again.

Will the time I spent teaching in West Spring this year, be the only time I'm smiling because I'm genuinely happy?

Other than the times I'm out with you guys la.

Comments

Take this sinking ship and point it home; We've still got time (Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová, Falling Slowly)

I just realised the reality of informing parents that I, their dear daughter, has failed Chem twice in a row. 43%. And that isn't a pretty picture. Its a son-of-a-bitch of a reality. It's always at this point of time wherein I panic, and regret not studying harder, though I can't quite change anything already. That panic should probably kick in 1 month before the exams where I actually can do something. Pity my reaction system is a tad delayed. And I don't seem to have conditioned to the idea of: Panic way before exam > Study > Do relatively ok > Happily ever after. It's probably also not good that I don't think critically enough. Observing and thinking should be natural. Just not coming to me. So there was a talk on how to write personal statements. So people get coached on how to write personal statements. Any random person's personal statement can be transformed from a bland boring one into a pretty, inspiring, lovely, memorable, unique one with ...

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I'm really beginning to get turned off by GP. There are so many parallels with Literature in the questions, the emphasis they place on inference, on tone and attitudes and literary devices, but there isn't any similarities when it comes down to answering the questions. It's almost like, they expect a standard answer, from a very non-standardised kind of questions, the kind of questions that ask how you feel, how you think, how you understand something. And I just don't think that a reasonable answer can be marked wrong, just because the setter wishes to emphasis on something else? It's ridiculous. Makes me miss the times in Lit, when we actually saw through a unique, different answer by using evidence to support it. Nothing was deemed as "No, you're wrong". I think the way GP is going, it's going to suck the brains out of us. They just don't want to accept our views. So, I wanted to do more photoshopping and go through some funky tutorial on fo...

New

New blog, new URL. But, disgusting as always. Wonder why I'm writing my first post with SO MUCH ANGST . & I thought CCA would get much better with new people coming in. HOW WRONG WAS I. From my wonderful junior: "I watch porn and I'm being honest about it" "I've never handed in homework on time since Sec 3. But I made it here still, so oh wells" Epic fail . Nicole pointed out that I have too many black things. Black shoes, black backpack, black phone, black wallet, black laptop bag, black jacket. I welcome c o l o u r f u l donations.

The stars died so that you could be here today

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