有始有终

Teaching in WSSS has been one of the best experiences. Some of my students, they're more matured than my peers. I'm not sure how much they've learnt from my incredibly chaotic lessons, but I've learnt alot from them. More about life than what I've learnt from my 6 years of Secondary and Pre-U education. HTHT with two of them today. Meaningful long talks that mean alot to me. & to all you adults who think they are immature in all senses of the word, then you're mistaken. I'll keep a promise to myself: At the end of the year, I'll come back to this stint in my life. Because I believe it has brought me so much.

Everything happens for a reason. Doors close for more doors to open. It's been what I've kept telling myself since the start of the year & it's helped me keep faith in all that's happened. The aftermath of it is that, I don't chase what I would have wanted like a crazed girl. Maybe I'm closing doors on myself. Remembering my mom telling me, 'How can you give up so easily. Don't you want to ______ anymore?' still stings. Yes, there are many things in life I want, but when it's clear things are not going to work out, letting go and moving on is the best, no? (& to my mom, so what if I wanted to pursue it, it still isn't going to happen isn't it. why make things worse for everybody. accept my decision and move on please?)

When I submitted my University application form earlier this year, my first choice was Medicine. When I checked the online application facility I was disappointed to see Engineering + Econs as my offered degree. And so that door closed. But, I wouldn't have had those talking sessions that lasted through the nights. I wouldn't have had the fun supper nights. I wouldn't have had the privilege to meet the people I've met.

2011 started in a 'Yes' mood. I was in a say 'Yes' to everything mood. & I think it brought me many memories. Teaching 3B. Overseas with them. Math Clinic. Taiwan with friends. Orientation camp (Though I was already lapsing into anti-social mood then). If I had said 'No' to all these things, I know I would have regretted it. It's hard to pin point when that ra-ra mood down spiralled into a no-no mood. Walking into huge lecture theatres filled with unknown faces, I don't want to socialise. I think what my student said was very true. It's because we're afraid of being judged. He says, just tell yourself you're better than everybody else. So that even if they laugh at you, you say so what? I'm still better than you. Though, the more I think about things, the more comfortable I seem to be with the idea of: Going to lectures and lunch with one or two people, home after school, curl up in bed to watch TV and read a good book after doing tutorials.

Bad to be accustomed to a no-lifer life huh.

Maybe, 2 weeks later I'll think differently again.

But, promises to myself are promises. Emo is a no more. No more emo-ing and ranting on Twitter.

/well it's been a post filled with paragraphs that don't link. #idgaf

I feel friends drifting, and it's scary. Everything's moving so fast, and it's scary too.