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You know I tend to get so insecure; It doesn't matter anymore


-So happy-


Exhausted. The exhaustion is killing me. Yesterday I said, if the muscle ache gets any worse I probably won't be able to climb out of bed. It's not just the ache from the muscles. Its my mind aching as well. I was so tired from teaching awhile back. But it's a different kind of tiredness. Being tired from doing something that made you happy (I'm guessing it's more the company than the actual teaching) completely differs from being exhausted because of various tiresome situations.

I'm also very disgusted with my worsening mood swings. My family gets the brunt of it. I hardly show it when I'm out, but today during lab, I was feeling like a pile of dung. Worthless. Don't understand shit. Wishing I was somewhere else. Feeling really sorry for my lab partner, that he has to put up with me, and teach me everything. Sorry.

Everything seems to crash down at the same time. Tutorials, Sit-in labs, Appointments, Essays due. Please don't scold me for:

1. not closing the window
2. not wanting to go into lizard infested areas (even though you know I'm terrified of them)
3. deciding to go earlier to school so that I can actually have a decent meal
4. saying I'll print the documents later. Printer software lags my computer so much.

when I'm trying to complete assignments. Am already drowning under this cesspool of shit.

I complain too much don't I. I really don't want to. There's nothing in my life that I shouldn't be grateful for. But, sometimes, it just feels like everybody's expecting something out of me. Driving, school work, doing every single thing at home that is related to the computer when it takes a gazillion years for my computer to work, to be cheery 24/7 etc etc etc. Throw all of it into the bin please.

Sincerely hope that all these are symptoms of a syndrome I suffer from every month, and not a persistent emotional low for the rest of the year. That 4 weeks of school has already gone by is hard to believe. 4 weeks of school means that I've gone through 4 weekends. The first was the best. The second was the worst I've had in months. The third was not too bad. The fourth was quite good.
Steamboats are always fun! Thank you!

Also, band loyalty means that, I can't listen to covers of Maroon 5 songs without wanting to thrash it.

//Get over this bout of wallowing in self despair

//Everything was happening too quickly

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