You are the only exception

So CTs were a trainwreck. Nothing's new these days. Just glad it's over.

Finally calling my grandma today made me a sad sad girl. I felt like such an inadequate person talking to her, listening to her about her life. I don't feel good about myself when I ask how much time I have spent with her, made the effort to call her when I'm rattling off on MSN with people I see everybody. Filial piety is so much more than just loving someone, but doing something for them. And it really scares me when she talks about death, that it seems like she lost a will for something. Becoming her listening ear for that short while even, I see so many underlying feelings in my family that I've never seen, never felt, never heard. Guess I'm just oblivious to everything sometimes huh.

Makes me think, how people with the excess capacity can live so comfortably while others struggle with everyday minute tasks.

It struck me so hard, my grandma's despondency mired in all her rantings at even the smallest things. Someone happy does not gripe at the things that seem to fade into the background when there are so many more attention grabbing things. And when she said happiness comes from seeings us do well, I don't think I've ever been so touched. Just wished I could do more for her, wished that I could go back to when I was 4, when I called her every single day, listening to her joy.

I guess despite all my gripings of being fat, of being pimply, of failings, of inadequacies, I don't think I want to be anyone else, anywhere else, with any other family.

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Old women acting as students

So Class Learning Journey yesterday. Doubt we learnt anything watching old women acting as students - according to Kenneth - though. Most of us anyways. Not much of a bonding session for the class either. But, 'twas fun taking lesbian shots in front of Valentine's Day displays with Elizabeth and Tingfang and getting laughed at by blading chubby ang mohs. My dad really intends for me to study engineering o0. Highly doubt I'm going to do it, but I'm not saying anything more than a 'maybe I will' now. Wait until my results come back, then I'll launch into a quarrel with him lalalala. Pointless to do it now anyways. Need to study firsttt. Amazing how I'm wasting my time away in front of the computer. And the only B I got during promos - for GP, probably is down the drain now, seeing how my essay got torn apart by Miss Tan ):

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I'm really beginning to get turned off by GP. There are so many parallels with Literature in the questions, the emphasis they place on inference, on tone and attitudes and literary devices, but there isn't any similarities when it comes down to answering the questions. It's almost like, they expect a standard answer, from a very non-standardised kind of questions, the kind of questions that ask how you feel, how you think, how you understand something. And I just don't think that a reasonable answer can be marked wrong, just because the setter wishes to emphasis on something else? It's ridiculous. Makes me miss the times in Lit, when we actually saw through a unique, different answer by using evidence to support it. Nothing was deemed as "No, you're wrong". I think the way GP is going, it's going to suck the brains out of us. They just don't want to accept our views. So, I wanted to do more photoshopping and go through some funky tutorial on fo...

New

New blog, new URL. But, disgusting as always. Wonder why I'm writing my first post with SO MUCH ANGST . & I thought CCA would get much better with new people coming in. HOW WRONG WAS I. From my wonderful junior: "I watch porn and I'm being honest about it" "I've never handed in homework on time since Sec 3. But I made it here still, so oh wells" Epic fail . Nicole pointed out that I have too many black things. Black shoes, black backpack, black phone, black wallet, black laptop bag, black jacket. I welcome c o l o u r f u l donations.

The stars died so that you could be here today

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