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Unstable


First parts of Jeju I got to explore, near the Teddy Bear Museum. The temperature was around zero degrees, the wind was blowing at full strength and I was in a shirt, jeans, and a jacket. Damn near froze. Teeth were chattering, stomach went into involuntary cramping and legs couldn't stop shivering. I understand why dying from the cold is not a much better option than burning to death. 



School Day Count: 3
Emotional State: Stress
Work Load: Piling up
It's only been three days of school, but it's the first three days like never before. Lecturers are diving into module content so quickly, I'm already drowning. There's no space for breathing in the technical depth modules. The pace feels like that of a technical breadth module in mid-semester. 

A trend I've observed among the electrical engineering professors: They do not like to declare required laboratory sessions in their module information. I suspect it's to keep workload to a minimum so that the number of modular credits accredited to it remains at 4. Tuesday: 3 hours lab. Wednesday: 7 hours lab. Thursday: 3 hours lab. And there's one more session to be allocated. Add 6 - 9 pm lessons thrice a week. And finally to finish the icing on the cake, there are 5 projects this semester. 

No, I don't know how to survive. 

This week has been so draining. 

I'm always going to be inadequate. I just wish people would stop judging me. 
Don't tell me I'm skinny. Don't tell me I'm fat. 
Why is there a need to question what I'm wearing. 
I want to run away. 

All I looked forward to this week was a quick shopping trip to town with my mom for Chinese New Year clothes. But it's been cancelled. I know the level of disappointment and upset I'm feeling is uncalled for, but I've had my hopes up high for this breather before 9-9 classes start next week. Disappointment and expectations are proportional. 

My knee hurts once again. Don't fail me too.

There's work to be done and I'm whining away.
Work, bitch.

My mean thoughts are making me feel ashamed of myself.


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