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Really?



It's been almost 5 months since the trip to Cambodia, but, it doesn't nearly feel as long as that. It's probably cheesy to say that it's changed me for life, but I think that it has.

Everytime I receive an email related to the orphange in Cambodia, I tend to reminisce about the whole experience there. It's almost awesomely weird that I can get so attached to people I've talked to, spent time with for only a few days. I guess, there's a sense of genuiness in what they say. No lies, no cover-ups. Getting through the initial awkwardness of shyness, of inhibition, makes it all the more fulfilling maybe. That Vimol and Sok Heng treated me as a friend, talked to me as friend to friend despite being strangers at the start of the day and despite the relative language barriers warms my heart. That Titu and Narin help out in every way that they can with all the smiles and laughter, makes me feel like I should be cheerful and happy 24/7.


But I guess, realising that their warmth and happiness is always greeted with people like us entering and leaving their lives in 2 weeks is saddening. It's almost like no one is a permanent fixture in their lives, everybody just comes and go. Even as we bring joy to them for that short while, we take it away just nearly as quickly when we magically disappear from their lives, maybe permanently. How they feel about it isn't something I want to venture into and feel I guess. While they've made an imprint on my life, the fact that it is a possibility that I may never ever see them again, never find out what happens to them, never talk to them again, makes it all the more bittersweet.


Receiving updates from the people there, make me realise how much I pine to go back there. And I think that, I will make it a reality sometime in the future. But I fully realise that my life still belongs here. That I don't think I'll be able to leave my family, friends, studies/job to commit myself entirely for an entire year there. Maybe I'm just selfish and hypocritical like that.

No matter what changes, there are still memories from the trip that I won't ever forget. Learning to saw with a 2-way saw; Being all alone in the room with Tingfang and bitching and talking and laughing; Conversationing while doing our laundry in the open; Throwing water down at a random dude working at HTC I didn't even know; Getting tree sap stains all over our clothes; Feeling hot in the sleeping bag and chillingly cold outside of it at night; Hammering my thumb over and over and over again; Eating out of packet food right under the sun; Chatting on the swing in the orphange; Walking to the coffeeshop along the road; Watching the shooting stars ... ...

Makes me regret not taking more photos and keeping a diary, so that when I'm old and senile these memories don't fade away and I get to share it with my senile other half and the children and grandchildren. Hah. Secret fantasy of mine. I guess, this is why, I shall start on a scrapbook of sorts soon :D

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