We'll be counting stars

Everything that kills me makes me feel alive

// 2 years ago at the Nike 10KM Run. Truly everything that kills me makes me feel alive. Running kills my knees but it's when I run that I feel the most alive. Lately I've been clawing at old wounds again.

Have you ever tried this: You're going about your day perfectly fine. Doing your usual routine, completing your daily tasks, smiling to yourself maybe. Take an afternoon nap because time is on your side for once. Wake up feeling recharged, put on your running shoes and you leave for an evening run. A mundane day. Then, the memories and feelings start creeping in with no warning; no looming signs of its approach. It hits you silently. Just as a bus runs over you, except the engine is silent, the headlights are off, the wheels make no screech. All you want is to run harder and faster, but all that happens are the tears that won't stop, then all you are is a sobbing pile of mess amongst the people pounding the track. You want to stop but you can't, everything slows to a blur around you.

But my darling, have a little faith, a little patience. That time will come to a pass. It'll become a past you may remember. Perhaps it's a blessing if you don't, perhaps it's a lesson if you do. Have a little faith.

We'll be counting stars. Lately I been, I been losing sleep. Dreaming about the things that we could be.
I feel something so right yet doing the wrong thing. I feel something so wrong yet doing the right thing.
Hope is a four letter word



// Lately I've been feeling a lack of motivation. Giving up on all sorts of things because I think there's no way I could achieve it. Where's the passion?