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26th December 2012, one of those really lousy days.
First came results. Is it possible to feel both disappointment and relief? There was always a nagging feeling that I would fail two of my modules. Somewhere in there though, I guess I always held that glimmer of hope that I was good enough to do better. It's always that glimmer that destroys you in the end. The semesters don't seem to be getting any better. The worst disappointments come when you've worked your ass off, and it just does not pay off. Am not kidding when I say work my ass off. Nights and nights burnt. 3 hours of sleep. Mediocrity. Need to figure out how to do better. Better, better, better.

Next, OSA screws up. Epicly. Offer me something I did not even apply for?! No, they really screwed up with the offering. Really pissed offed. But I'm so tired I don't even want to argue. Now my plans remain murky.

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You see, I don't know where things go from here.

I know that no matter how hard I try I'll never overcome it. Never getting past those insecurities and inadequacies.



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Books are where I escape into. These magical creatures. The words drown out the world, and all those unnecessary evils are forgotten. I read knowing that there will always be a plan for these characters. Their fate is written. There are no more cross roads, no more uncertainty. Authors have already laid out their lives in the next hundreds of pages. Latch on to that courage that I will never have in real life. Live in that place that I will never get to.

I always prefer books to movies. Movies are too unrealistic. Everything is perfect and wonderful. There's no more imperfections, no more realism.


She feared pain, loss and separation. These things were inevitable on the path to love, and the only way of avoiding them was by deciding not to take that path at all. In order not to suffer, you had to renounce love. It was like putting out your own eyes in order not to see the bad things in life.

- Paulo Coelho, Brida
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