The stars died so that you could be here today

Alex Clare - Too Close I don't want to hurt you, but I need to breathe. But there's something inside that I need to release. Which way is right, which way is wrong? How do I say that I need to move on. You know we're heading separate ways. And it feels like I am just too close to love you. There's nothing I can really say. And it feels like I am just too close to love you, so I'll be on my way.  You've given me more than I can return. Yet there's oh so much that you deserve.  _____________________________________________________________________________________ Spent the day roaming about city hall / orchard, then going to Asian Civilization Museum with my personal guide. So awesome to have a friend who studied Art History. I've also realized that, I'll never come to appreciate what all these artefacts really mean. Superficial me. 

26th December 2012, one of those really lousy days. First came results. Is it possible to feel both disappointment and relief? There was always a nagging feeling that I would fail two of my modules. Somewhere in there though, I guess I always held that glimmer of hope that I was good enough to do better. It's always that glimmer that destroys you in the end. The semesters don't seem to be getting any better. The worst disappointments come when you've worked your ass off, and it just does not pay off. Am not kidding when I say work my ass off. Nights and nights burnt. 3 hours of sleep. Mediocrity. Need to figure out how to do better. Better, better, better. Next, OSA screws up. Epicly. Offer me something I did not even apply for?! No, they really screwed up with the offering. Really pissed offed. But I'm so tired I don't even want to argue. Now my plans remain murky. _________________________________________________________________________________ You see, I d

So bored.... Hence I shall spam the last roll I shot on my Holga (: Climb that tree Sapphire Pavilion Play a game of Quidditch Hello confetti Pre-dunking #1 //Accidental multiple exposure on this Pre-dunking #2 Dedicated the whole roll to Engine Camp @ Sentosa. Miss June so much. So carefree. // E100G cross processed. Love the vignetting.

Mad tiring day. At least, I know I'm ready to 放下。

What I've done in my one week of holidays: 1. Finished watching season 5 of big bang theory 2. Caught up to season 6 episode 9 of big bang theory 3. Finished Hell's Kitchen season 10 4. Finished The Walking Dead season 1 5. Watched 4 episodes of The Walking Dead season 2 That adds up to 53 episodes, ~1700 hours of TV. I'm a no-lifer slob. My ass is going to get so fat sitting at my computer watching tv shows. Daryl Dixon is so hot hahahaha. Redneck, and yet taking care of people, going all out to save people he doesn't like, finding that little girl. Marrryyyyy meeeee. In other news that is not related to TV dramas, Shopping shopping shopping, Genki Sushi and Acid Bar with Sylvia (: Happy girls are happy. Though, I am really flat broke from the shopping now. Ampang Yong Tau Foo with the family on Saturday. Miss cheap good food like crazy. Eating in school everyday for so long is just mad. Felt sick to the pits with school food till I didn&

Another semester, another bad start to exams. Progressively became more and more despondent as I started on each new question. It's even more depressing because I actually did put in effort for this. Shall leave it behind and pray for the best. There isn't much time left for me to give thought about what I want to specialize in. Studying Signals and Systems was actually quite nice. The thought was to head in that direction, but after that disaster of a paper, maybe not. We'll see how the rest goes. #study ___________________________________________________________________________________ Why would anyone want to talk to me? Why would anyone want to have lunch with me? Why would anyone want to accompany me? I wouldn't. There are things I could and should do, but I will not. Maybe it makes me vulnerable and that's why I don't. Back to that same old place again. I made up my mind to forget and move on. But days like the past few pins me firmly to

No 姐弟恋. Highlight. Highlight. Repeat. Repeat. End of. Make up your mind and stick with it bitch. 

It's starting to become one big emotional rollercoaster again. These are things that I shouldn't let affect me. Especially not in times of academic importance. Finals are around the corner. It should be much easier studying this time round, given I have 90% less webcasts to watch as compared to the last two semesters. // So tempted to drink the Erdinger. // Ich wünsche das Erdinger Weißbier trinken.  // Ich bin verloren; Du machst mich verrückt; 

2011 was so disastrous. The worst part: all my mistakes were careless. So many mistakes, and I kind of gave up the last 30 min instead of checking. Regrets all the time. Crazy month up ahead. Tests, assignments, assessments, exams. Can't afford to be distracted right now. It's quite sad how badly I need to improve my grades. Hahaha. And here I am just because I don't want to start webcasting or studying for German. Copying has become so part and parcel of Uni life, I came to accept it. That, someone can just score full marks without even having studying for it. Today though, the Professor merrily went up to people whom he caught/saw talking/cheating and marked their scripts. Uh-oh. Uh-oh and hahaha. haha. My brother's been in China for 1 + week already. The house is so peaceful without him creating a ruckus all the time. He's been calling home every night, and last night he told my mom he had diarrhoea and fever. I'm suppossed to be worried right? Am not.

Really really want to travel alone right now. To wherever. I supposse all I really want is to be carefree, and hop on any damn train I want to any damn place without discussing or reaching a compromise with anyone. Longing for this all the time.

So tired of the routine. When will there be some spark in this life. I've lost so much dynamism over the years. Waiting for all this to end. Go out and live your life. Those were the days my friend, we thought they'd never end; Then the busy years went rushing by us, we lost our starry notions on the way

Let's see, happier more relaxed times! Traveled to Australia in June with my mom, and two brothers. It's been 9 years since we took a family trip. Only thing missing is my dad not there with us. We spent days 1 - 4 in Gold Coast! :D Though I have to say that Gold Coast isn't the most interesting of cities. It's just, old and tired. Sure the theme parks seem fun. Seem because I'm scared of them. I just don't have the courage to put my heart through the speeds and the height and the drops. It's abit easier when the eyes are closed... BUT.. Thanks but no thanks! Reaching at 4pm in the middle of winter meant we spent our time getting to the hotel, unpacking a little and then boom it was dark. The day ended so early! Hot piping food was the only comfort in the cold danky night. Fish and chips in Australia from any food stall just seems to taste good. While lugging luggages to the hotel haha Movie World on day 2 ! Spent a shitload of money going around

German's the first module in a long long time that I've taken that requires hardcore mugging. I think I forgot how to memorize and hardcore mug. Godbless my headache.  Peace.

It's just been a few really upsetting days. I feel the downs so much these days. But at the end of the day you always have to throw on that happy mask and go around school. A friend told me this today when she saw me, wah why are you so relaxed. Do I have to walk around school with a murderous look? Being crushed under all the things everybody expects me to be. No I'm not in Computer Engineering dad. No, I don't want to study in school. No, I don't want to be your counsellor. No, I'm not always that gracious. No, I'm not always happy. No, I don't want to entertain everybody. No, I don't understand everything. No, I don't know how to do all my tutorials. No, I can't drive. No, I don't want to talk to you. I'm nothing ok. Just let me fade into oblivion please. Felt quite good to be around school mostly by myself today. Cannot differentiate between jokes, empty words and truths. When you learn to accept things, the world become

I hate phasors. So I just spent 1 hour: Understanding that using peak value or RMS value does not matter Doing one simple addition question over and over because I 1. Forgot that I cannot just add sine to cosine. 2. Forgetting to convert from RMS back to peak.  I am stupid.  So much so for being hardworking. 2022 tutorial on Monday. Tuition. 2023 on Tuesday (Oh my mama, nightmare module), 2202 on Tuesday, 2024 on Wednesday. Sad face sad face sad face sad face sad face sad face sad face sad face sad face sad face sad face.

I know I've blogged about this before, but I feel this way so often I just need to get it out. Everybody expects something out of me. WHAT THE FUCK. Can people just leave me alone to study?! People left and right asking questions, expecting you to know. My dad asking questions like I've been studying EE for the last million years. I know I'm not good enough, but really? So apparently it's all my fault that we haven't learnt about op-amps or whatever. If you think school is so easy, how about you take my place ?! have you every thought of rephrasing your question?? Work is hard but school ain't easy either. GRRR. My head's going to explode from all these. Somehow it's wrong when I don't meet any of the one million expectations of everybody but I'm not suppossed to have any of others. I really don't want to start the cycle of staying out late just to avoid coming home. #sadsquirrel92.

This semester feels really different somehow. I feel out of place in school. So many unfamiliar faces. Even when I bump into people I know, it's like they're strangers and it's not my school. Maybe it's the 3 months break. But even so i spent half of it in school. Though it does feel good to finally be more hardworking and be paying attention in class. Time's flying past so quickly. Everybody's thinking of exchange, of internships, of recommendations, of life out of school. Three more years, 6 more semesters will pass too quickly. Work's kind of crazy though it's only been 4 days of school. Every module needs basic knowledge of previous modules, which sad to say I never fully grasped. Gah, so much to do. Just happy that it's the end of socialising! Lie low. Stay low. Stick close to friends. Dao face on. We live with the objective of being happy, our lives are all different yet the same. - Anne Frank

I just feel like it's been a very trying last half of holidays. Too many changes, too many uncertainties, too much negative feelings. Watched Brave yesterday. It's really really very good. I see it becoming a Disney classic! Merida, brave in fighting for what she wants. Though things may not always turn out as you wished, every detour is a beautiful one. Family: They'll always be there for you. Love them with all your heart. Wonder whatever happened to the bright eyed child we all once were. Eyes dulled by expectations. Fate be broken, look inside, mend the bond torn by pride. 

Because. Because I think people are different on whatsapp and in real life. Because I think having a wonderful conversation on whatsapp does not translate to real life conversations.

Next week shall be blocked off to home time. I'm burnt out from going out with people, and it's only been two days. Sometimes I feel like I'm putting up an act when I'm out, to fit in with different people. NO MOREEE. Two days of watching The Dark Knight Rises consecutively. Two different groups of people. Two different sets of feelings. It's just so obvious who are sincere and who aren't. There are people that I can't tell if they're being sincere in their words or being sarcastic. These are the ones to put away at an arm's length. And then there's the company that make you feel just right at home. Thank you for that. It's been a period of time where the more I find out about someone, the less I know that person. I guess it's never too late to learn the different faces of people. Time to re-evaluate who are the people I keep close to my heart. The 10 days in China has really been a service and learning trip. We served. We helped. W

Bye! Last time packing this holidays. 10 days. 10 days.10 days. Love feel good friends! Thank you, ever-so-steady friends!

Today is a lazy day. Lazy lazy, very lazy. Rolled out of bed at 12, had prawn mee for lunch, hung around munching on food. Mom made some wrap. Ate till I was bursting, went to lie on my bed, woke up at 6 and boom time for dinner. Eat, sleep, eat, sleep. Still what I do best. Haven't had such a lovely day in ages. 5 tiring tiring tiring days of camp killed me.

Well, I'm glad June is coming to a close.

Inspiration from travelling! I shall start keeping track of places I want to visit. Sightseeing, food, quirky. Any continent, any region, any country, any state. Jenolan Caves. Limestone caves in the Blue Mountains, Sydney. I would love to one day visit this place and stand inside it with beautiful formations caving in on me. Beautiful and yet slightly creepy, all at the same time.

Spent Saturday at TCT doing fundraising. Super awkward maxxed not knowing 90% of the people there and everybody else knowing each other. Had eyes glued to the phone as a result. Slept at 330, woke u pat 6 to go for Sunday fundraising. Oh my shagged maxxed. Rushed home before 3pm to go Ah ma house but didn't go in the end whee. Went for class gathering which was abit awkward for some reason. Rushed to JCube for 930 Men In Black 3 with Brandon, Benjamin, Sylvia and Ze Ling. Super good! So glad I caught it! 5 of us laughed louder than the whole theater combined haha.

Longest run I've been away from my computer! 23rd - 25th May: Engine Camp Dry Run 28th - 2nd June: CAC Camp Dry Run 4th - 8th June: Engine Camp! Lalalala. 12th - 22nd June: Australia! All the spare days in between were used editting and uploading photos omg. HOME SWEET HOME. ~

Lost sight of who I am.

It was all just one great big mistake from the start wasn't it? One big fat joke. Life, a great mistake, a great joke. We live through it.

Prologue, A Storm of Swords: Steel & Snow Many new Brothers of the Watch, names of which I don't remember. Chett seems like a new prominent character, though characters introduced in the prologue sometimes don't get carried through the whole book. Similar to Theon Greyjoy, Chett is just hateable, picking on Sam, plotting to kill the Brothers, his spitefulness, his disdain. But his backstory gives him dimension. Abused by his dad, shunned by his fellow villagers. Mayhaps makes me sympathise with him wanting Craster's Keep, to have a wife, by love or by force, after killing one for laughing in his for his boils. Small Paul - a new Hodor? Sam Tarly aka Ser Piggy. I can't stand him. I'm sorry. Classic craven. Whining from shooting a bow and arrow. And so we finally see it snow and a sign of the Others coming. Excited 'till I pee my pants too. Next chapter, JAMIE. JAMIE LANNISTER. OH GOD I MISS YOU SO. Picturing Nikolaj Coster-Waldau while I read him ma