The stars died so that you could be here today

"Your death's like the sun: You can't look straight at it for longer than a second or two. The looming-up momentarily annihilates everything else, then lets it all back in." - Glen Duncan, The Bloodstone Papers. It's terrible that I keep sleeping in the canteen every morning. But that extra 1 hour or so of sleep is very very satisfying, though it does rob me of the time to talk to friends or try to catch up on abit of tutorial or read my book. The early morning RJ canteen is pretty interesting though. There's a calm quietness about it amidst the bustle of the stallholders getting ready for the day. One or two Indian workers will play their music sometimes. And just watching sleepy bleary-eyed people walking through the canteen can fill up my time. Event of the day: Elizabeth, Tingfang and Michelle are walking up the stairs. Zewei is one flight of stairs below them. He calls Michelle. Three of them look down, laugh then runs off, because nobody wants to talk t

So CTs were a trainwreck. Nothing's new these days. Just glad it's over. Finally calling my grandma today made me a sad sad girl. I felt like such an inadequate person talking to her, listening to her about her life. I don't feel good about myself when I ask how much time I have spent with her, made the effort to call her when I'm rattling off on MSN with people I see everybody. Filial piety is so much more than just loving someone, but doing something for them. And it really scares me when she talks about death, that it seems like she lost a will for something. Becoming her listening ear for that short while even, I see so many underlying feelings in my family that I've never seen, never felt, never heard. Guess I'm just oblivious to everything sometimes huh. Makes me think, how people with the excess capacity can live so comfortably while others struggle with everyday minute tasks. It struck me so hard, my grandma's despondency mired in all her rantings at

Michelle is about to start jogging and the rain starts coming, she decides to not go ahead with exercising and starts walking home. But when she reaches home, the rain drops stop falling. Michelle HATES THAT. Stupid goddamned weather. Won't the brilliant yellow yolk of the sky banish the dark clouds away D: Currently I feel like a piece of unfit lard. I need to start exercising.

It's times like this that the inadequacies of my intellectual capacity is highlighted isn't it. GP essay was a trainwreck. "Going green is a luxury that only developed countries can afford". Discuss. So, my failure to evaluate the idea that being environmentally conscious is not a luxury, but rather a necessity in progressing in today's world, coupled with my inability to articulate my argument in a balanced and not-so-extreme way would probably be rewarded with more failure in terms of marks. Vicious cycle is this not. Won't life be so much easier if all I had to do was to be repulsed at Kara Dioguardi pouting at and velcrose-ing herself to Simon Cowell.

Give me my convoluted, run-of-the-mill plots of novelists over the words of opinionated expository authors (who probably don't give a damn about their counter-arguments ) any day.

"He felt the ground shake beneath his feet. Then a blast threw him into the air. He landed on his back, but couldn't sit up. His body felt heavy. He knew his face was scorched. The voices died down in his head until he was completely deaf. His left arm, he realised, was badly burnt. He looked at it and saw a mass of flesh and blood. His hand and half his forearm were missing, but it barely hurt. He understood how useless it would be to stand up and run. The sky became red with fire. A moment later he felt someone grab him by the neck, trying to make him sit up. It was Andia. her face was filled with horror. She was crying and shouting, although he didnt hear her. he told her that he loved her, that it was going to be all right, and his words echoed in his chest as in an empty boxy. Andia pressed her face to hsi chest and hugged him as if she were trying to keep him from going over the edge of an abyss. Then Santiago San Roman no longer felt anything." Sigh, sad sad beauti

Leg hurts leg hurts leg hurts. This is killing my jogging schedule to lose some of moi fats. & This is my only form of exercise :O Need a new pair of shoes with nice cushion before I kill my legs and I can't even jog anymores. Hell hurts when I walk sometimes. Naphfa 2.4 tomorrow. Oh god. Sian. Weight lost counter: SEVEN - TEN KG WHEE.

I wish I could stay awake without the coffee. Feels good to be paying attention and actually thinking after a year of sleeping, doodling and stoning. Damn I need to sleep earlier. But I just wasted 2+ hours of my time watching American Idol and am wasting more time hereeee. D: But watching Alex Lambert is totally worth it. Sweetest boy ever. I CAN'T HELP BUT S M I L E E OH EM GEE HEEEE. (Photo Spam hahahah) WHEEE. I WANT HIM TO WIN RAWR. It's funny how, though I still like rock music, I'm a huger fan of slower, raspier, soulful-er stuff like Paolo Nutini, James Morrison, Mat Kearney & Alex Lambert :D. Maybe I'm getting OLD. Oh wells. I think it's something to do with my tendency to loop songs forever and ever. Avenged Sevenfold on loop for the whole day would just kill my ears. I need to write betterrrr. My GP essays stink. Even though I redid my essay, I still have weak arguments, lousy phrasing, disgusting words, incoherent expressions. Oh wells. Need. To. Re