The stars died so that you could be here today

Everybody expects you to be: The perfect daughter. Perfect to your mom. Perfect to your dad. Sadly I'm neither.  The perfect friend.  The perfect student.  The perfect girl.  Everything, but yourself.  Knowing that you're forever going to be a disappointment. Just got to learn to live with it. 

If you think long and hard enough about something, you'll eventually come to a conclusion. A right conclusion hopefully. Certain scenes have been haunting my thoughts. Enough is enough. Though I guess, it's my fault for getting too attached. I remember what my friend told me. It may be an addiction. Don't let it be an addiction. Life's too short gotta live it long.  WILL YOU JUST GET YOUR FUCKING ASS OFFLINE. AARGHHH. I'M GOING TO BE DRIVEN NUTS SOON. WANG BA DAN. LALALALALALALALALALALALALA. 

HELLO WORLD. 潇洒比较好 Completely ignoring the fact that it's damn hard.

for ( int i = 1; i > 0; i++ ) {        Get close;        Pull myself away; } So so so so so so tired. I shouldn't get to know people. Really shouldn't.

/start rant  I don't usually tell people what I really feel. It just feels weird. Sometimes I feel like I have to be this perfect being there for everybody. Just devoid of feelings, rational, objective. Give you my opinion, my advice, end of story. But I'm not.  As a  # Taurus  In friendship, you're: loyal - you'll do almost anything for a friend. I'll do just about anything. I'll readily drop anything just to be there. But at some points in life I just get tired of all these. Tired of just listening to everybody complain about every damn thing. And when I just really need to talk to about something I either draw a blank or get things turned into a joke.  & you wonder why I don't ever talk about anything or tell you anything.  Thanks for making me feel shiteous again.  When my student can give me a better listening ear............ end rant/  New 2012 resolution: Stop having itchy fingers that reply to every damn thing. 

And so the busiest week of the semester is gone. And I survived it! I really think I should start saying no to people. I'm not really that free. I just make time for everybody. Watched J. Edgar! It's not a movie. It's a history lesson. History lesson on America. Entertainment/comic relief came from the gay moments hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Sigh I shall get my Leonardo DiCaprio fix from the Titanic movie that's going to be released. I know I can't take one more step towards you; Cause all that's waiting is regret

Craziest week ever: Monday: Lab Test Tuesday: German test aka attempt at memorising 300 hundred words + their respective associated gender + their plural forms, to be tested on what 30? Still forgot some D:  Wednesday: Research proposal due Thursday: Graded Assignment for German due Friday: HEEE NOTHING (:  Saturday: Graded Critique aka 30% of EG1413 due.  I have no idea how I managed to survive and still get enough sleep. I'll know why when I get Cs for everything.  There's another whole wave of deadlines with 1003 lab. Gag me. 

I'm so tired I'm so tired I'm so tired I'm so tired. I've done more work in these two days than I have since school started. BUT, I'm still lagging. Doing work is tiring. I'm sleepy at 11pm these days. Never thought I'd say this again. Shall we frolic under the sun, on the endless blue ocean.  What I'd give to be lying on a boat drifting at sea, facing the sun. I remember the Sabah trip. Lying on the rocks facing the sun during white water rafting was peaceful, calm, tranquil. The world stopped revolving for me. I love this feeling, and I cherish it. This is disregarding the fact that I tend to become horribly sunburnt. 

& Let the dazzling lights blind you.  I think I have an unhealthy obsession with photos of people celebrating, of thousands of balloons let up into the air. They have a certain air of mystic, happiness, as if the clock stopped ticking momentarily. Faith that everything will be better in that split second.

And so that's the end of 2011. The year with the most tears splattered at home. The year with the most arguments with my dad. The year with the most cold wars fought. My mom called me emo girl today. I've honestly never felt that of myself before. Do I really put on a sulky face everyday at home? Smiling and laughing everyday outside must be more tiring than I thought. Time to reflect and prioritise better. No matter the lousy happenings of the year, it's been a year where I've seen more of the world than I've had in the past 18 years of my life. January 2011 was by and large uneventful and some part of me is grateful for that. There weren't events that I would want to cement in memory. But there was peace. Though it does go down as the month where I first got my first official job. Relief taught at De La Salle Primary school for awhile. Different physical location, but the aura is still the same. February was a joke. A month I wished would fade into ob

Time flies when you do nothing everyday during the school term. Week four and I already have 20 hours of webcast to catch up on?! Whatever happened to working hard... There seems to be even less motivation this semester. Unbelievable how I get less and less hardworking every time school starts. I would think that it's physically impossible -.- Let's see, Interesting events so far: Not noticing that people were asking us to shut up in lecture. Madhuri and I have got to be the most annoying people in EE.  Comms ball. Prom 2.0, except I was an awkward fish x 1000.  Chinese New Year = Get scolded the whole day for wearing too casually. Meet engineers and more engineers.  Lo Hei with <3s !  Maybe it was a mistake from the start.  Exhausted.